It's Michiganders You AP Style Clods

in creative writing journal

It’s Michiganders, You AP Style Clods

Reading about this week’s wind storm, I found this article on the Detroit News website, wherein residents of the great State of Michigan were referred to as “Michiganians.” What total crap journalism! Now I don’t feel the least bit guilty about reading their newspaper for free.

“Michiganians” would have a ton more cache if it rhymed with “shenanigans.” Instead, it sounds like a word invented just to show off our distinct Great Lakes nasal twang.

I, like Governor Rick Snyder, use the term “Michigander.” While being in sync with the One Tough Nerd is usually a symptom of early-onset entitlementia (a type of dementia caused by having too much money), I’ll just copy a move from his playbook and simply ignore this problem until it a) goes away all by itself, or b) ruins the lives of thousands of people.

“Michiganders” is not only fun to say, it meets the desire to be unique, but not too unique. I bet there’s a story why folks from Indiana are called “Hoosiers.” You can bet I don’t want to hear it.

Oppressive Nickname!

Yes, “Michiganders” refers to a gander, which is a male goose. I’m not trying to push a heteronormative binary agenda on anyone. I simply like the name.

“Males and Females Are Engaged in a Genital Arms Race.”

In researching this blog post, I accidentally stumbled into the Dark Net.

For your own sake, do not Google, “Duck Penis” or “Chris Hayes Duck Penis.” Do not click on the following link, “Why I Study Duck Genitalia” or either of the two videos embedded in that article.

Seriously. Put down your mouse and step away from the keyboard.

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