In 16 days, a realtor/game show host/screaming steamed carrot will be given the codes to our nuclear arsenal, but do you know what I’m really all about in 2017?
Red casual athletic footwear.
These cherry kicks are the perfect complement to my new facial hair that I am growing out for one mega-important purpose—to never be mistaken for Steve Bannon, the alt-right jackass.
My new Vans are also the comfy choice for life in our swinging fallout shelter, scheduled to be completed January 16th. Pimm’s Cup, anyone?