in creative writing journal

F the doomed! I went to DSW.

In 16 days, a realtor/game show host/screaming steamed carrot will be given the codes to our nuclear arsenal, but do you know what I’m really all about in 2017?

Red casual athletic footwear.

F the Doomed! John before the beard.

Pre-beard: Just add jaundice, rosacea, and fifty pounds.

These cherry kicks are the perfect complement to my new facial hair that I am growing out for one mega-important purpose—to never be mistaken for Steve Bannon, the alt-right jackass.

My new Vans are also the comfy choice for life in our swinging fallout shelter, scheduled to be completed January 16th. Pimm’s Cup, anyone?

Leave a reply, but please be fancy.


  • Hat Person: A Day in the Life (Bandana Edition) | Such a Fancy Boy 5 January 2017

    […] my lunch break, I coordinated my outfit with red casual footwear and walked to the CVS. The man behind me in line wasn’t put off by my bandana or cherry sneaks, […]