Every morning, I can tell how my mood is going to be for the day by how I react to seeing my facial hair in the mirror.

After two days sniffling, snorking and schlubbering, on Sunday I seriously considered shaving off the hairy disease rag under my nose.

Today, health restored, I was back to digging the Schnauzer. The chin beard had a particularly Col. Sanders vibe after shampooing and blow out.

A Bald Face Lie

As many of you know, I’ve grown my Van Dyke más suave so that I won’t be mistaken for Steve Bannon, alt-right jackass. He’s now also Steve Bannon, alt-right jackass and TIME magazine cover boy.

Do not be fooled by his trickerations! He’s covering up his mouth to hide the fact that he doesn’t sport a silvery moustache-goatee combo.

Also, take heed — Steve Bannon, alt-right jackass, or his cadre of Uruk-hai s***-gibbons, are obviously reading this blog.

I eagerly anticipate my tax audit.